Father's Day with a Twist

Did you know it's Father's Day?

 

 

If you are a Facebook junkie, like myself, then there is no way you can miss the fact. 9 out of every 10 posts are about Father's Day, and how fabulous of a father or husband my friends have. And I am glad for them... I think. I am glad there are those that have great father's that they get along with. I am glad there are those that have wonderful husbands that make great fathers. I am glad that there are children who have wonderful fathers to look up to.

 

Unfortunately I am not really one of those people.  I have a father, who did his best, and I am thankful for the sacrifices he made for us. My children have a father that is worth little more than the sperm he donated. He has done, at best, equal parts good and horrible in our lives. We do have a Heavenly Father that loves us beyond comprehension, but to me EVERY day is Father's Day for that father. On the home front, I am mom and dad and everything that comes in between, so this day, once a year, is kind of like salt in the wound to me. I pray daily for a role model for my children, for Godly man to walk through life with, for the fulfillment of God's promises, but for now, it' just us!

 

But this year my heart is totally burdened on this Father's Day.

 

 I want to take a second to share that burden with you, and ask you to commit to pray over it with me.

 

In my time here are Children's Hospital Oakland my eyes have been truly opened to a horrible problem in our society. A problem I knew of before, but I never felt at a heart level before. A problem I want to shine a light on, call out of the darkness, and ask my brothers and sisters in the Lord to pray with me over. I can't explain to you how in the midst of our own journey through the storm my heart has been burdened for another group of children, but it totally is.

 

We are here at Children's Oakland because of a health issue that Nathaniel has. It is a trial and a storm for us, but it is something that NO ONE caused, it just is. And as much as it hurts my heart that our whole family has to go through this, it is just one of those journey's in life. But some people are here on journeys BECAUSE OF others. This week God has been introducing me to situations that break my heart. I have time and time again run into children here BECAUSE of their fathers. And that is a concept that I can't wrap my mind around. There are two stories I want to share with you.

 

*please excuse my horrible pronouns... I want to protect these kids as much as possible.. so they are its... but they are SO NOT its in real life. They are children with stories, lives and passions.*

 

One family we have had contact with over and over again is here because of a horrible accident. An accident where a 10 year old child was playing on the roof of a building while under the supervision of its father. The father KNEW the child was playing up there, and was inside watching TV while the child played. The child fell off of the roof, hit their head hard enough to give itself a traumatic brain injury and laid there for Lord knows how long before the father found the child. That child was taken to medical care (there is a question of how quickly that transport happened, the stories differ between the parties involved) where the child actually died in the ER. The medical team was able to resuscitate the child after 10 minutes! Oh my. Now the child has had multiple brain surgeries and is learning how to live all over again. A 10 year old child. A child who was running, and playing, and laughing and LIVING just before the accident. An accident which could have possibly been prevented by firmer boundaries, an accident who's severity could have possibly been less with proper supervision and attention to timely medical attention. Now I see this sweet little one, and the rest of the family trying to come to terms with the consequences of this accident. And it is HARD. And this child will FOREVER be changed by this situation. My heart goes out to all of them.

 

That story number one has a happy ending compared to another story God has shown me.

 

While at the family house the other day I came across a man crying over his bible. An older man. With tears of agony. Being a believing and compassionate sister myself, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He told me he had been asking God for someone to pour his story out to, that no one wanted to hear it. So I turned my listening ears on, and asked God to give me strength. Little did I know how much strength it would take....

 

This man was a grandpa, and he was here supporting his daughter and her child. It seems that his daughter had this child with a not so nice man. The child is young, very young (like less than a year). It seems that the mother had second thoughts after she got pregnant and didn't want the child's father involved in the child's life. As happens so often, they ended up in court. The court didn't see the same danger that the mother did and granted the parents joint custody. On the FIRST unsupervised visit the child's father had with the child, the father severely beat the child. As this child's grandpa poured out his story all I could do was pray for strength to keep listening as tears poured down my face and my heart broke.

 

The grandpa showed me pictures of a PURE, INNOCENT ANGEL. The child was so beautiful before this evilness happened. Then the grandpa asked my permission to show me pictures of the child now. I stared this interaction asking what HE needed, so how could I at this point say no, if what he needed was to share the whole story? So I gulped big, prayed hard and looked at some ABSOLUTELY evil images. My heart shattered. This man I had JUST met and I sobbed together for the hand of evil in this world. And we just laid it at the throne of Jesus. What else could we do? Grandpa shared with me that the medical team had just broken the heart shattering news that this angel would be dying very soon. There is just no more human physicians can do for this child, the injuries are too sever and the damage too far gone. So this grandpa and his daughter are now walking the road of saying an earthly goodbye to their angel, all because of evilness in this world. Really, what could be worse? I just can't comprehend it. 

 

After this interaction I asked God what I could do with this information. Yes, being a listener and praying for this family is important, but I really sensed that God wanted me to do MORE with these stories, and all of the other stories he has shown me while I am here. And honestly, I still don't know the full answer. But I do know that I can share my heart break and beg you to pray with me.

 

Pray for the children of OUR world, OUR country, OUR states, OUR counties and even OUR TOWNS who don't have TRUE parents (because it really can go both ways).

 

Pray for mothers and fathers everywhere to step up and recognize the GIFTS they were given in their children.

 

Pray for fathers to be men of God and show love, compassion and understanding to their children. That they may stand in the gap between evil and their children.

 

Pray for mothers to be women of God, to show love, compassion and understanding to their children. That they may always protect their children from the evil of the world.

 

Pray for protectors of children everywhere to have their eyes open to the evil around them. That they might realize the evil before it damages children. That they may be able to bridge the gap and PROTECT children.

 

Pray for the families devastated over the touch of evilness on their children.

 

Pray for our courts to better discern what is safe for children.

 

And pray PROTECTION of children from the evil one.

 

On this day when we celebrate fathers, lets take a moment to pray for those without real fathers too.

 

This is the burden of my heart today.

This is where my prayers will be today, and for many to come.

Won't you join me?

 



Amazing Day!!

Sometimes God just pours out the blessings on you, and today was one of THOSE days for us!

 

My mom and Audrey got here late last night, and my momma is FABULOUS so I got to sleep at the family house with Audrey last night while mom stayed with Nathaniel at the hospital. I slept so great in a REAL bed, not having to worry about Nathaniel... so great in fact that I slept right through the alarm this morning! 8 whole hours of sleep, I don't think I have done that in like 3 weeks! Plus I can't tell you how great it was to have BOTH of my kids with me all day today. What a blessing!

 

When Audrey and I finally got to the hospital, we all took Nathaniel downstairs and had breakfast together in the cafeteria, where we received a great surprise!

 

The other day when I had my mini break down one of the guys I called was my good buddy Terry from church at home. Terry also happens to be involved with a group called Black Sheep, and he called on the Oakland Chapter of the Black Sheep to shower some love on us!

 

The Black Sheep is a Christian Harley Davidson Group, and my buddy Terry is the chaplain for the group in our area. One of the GREAT things about belonging to the family of Christ is that we are ALL FAMILY, so when Terry called the Oakland group and told them about Nathaniel and I being up here, a group of them got together and came over to visit us!

 

 

They found us in the cafeteria (which was probably a good thing, I doubt that half of them would have fit in our room!) where they hung out and talked to us, prayed with us, invited me to church with them, and gave me contact info so I could call them if or when we need anything. I LOVE true brothers and sisters in Christ, they make you feel Jesus's love even if it is the first time you have laid eyes on them. This group was great!

 

 

They brought Nathaniel some cool gift like another new blanket, a new testament and we all got their coins. So sweet!

 

And when they got ready to leave we went downstairs so the kids could see their bikes. Nat couldn't go out of the hospital, but Audrey could, so she got to sit up on one of the bikes! She was THRILLED, as she has always loved motorcycles, and this one was even PURPLE. Happy girl!!

 

After the visit from the Black Sheep Nathaniel had his therapy sessions for today. When he came back from therapy we had another surprise! Our dear friends Bea, Kaleb and Gavin came to see us! We took the kids down stairs for lunch, then out to a playground that patients and families are allowed to use.

 

 

It was so great to see the kids playing with some of their best friends and it was SO GREAT to have one of my best friends here with me for the afternoon. What a blessing!

 

Audrey and Gavin are great playmates and always have fun together.

 

 

And today was the first time that Nathaniel has been outside since June 4th! It was so good to see him outside and chilling. He even got out of his chair a bit and sat on the toys. Love my rock star boy!

 

 

Where the playground is seems like it might have originally been the front of the building, the architecture there was so beautiful and Bea and I were really enjoying it!

 

After hanging out with our dear friends for a few hours they had to hit the road and go back south. Then it was time for a little family time. Gramie, Audrey, Nathaniel and I played some board games and had lots of giggles. Gramie didn't fair so well at Sorry (finally I wasn't the only one loosing!) but we all did pretty well at Uno! Lots of fun together.

 

 

At the end of games Nathaniel was EXHAUSTED, we had him out playing almost all day. So we tucked him and Gramie in at the hospital and Audrey and I headed back to the family house. Gramie and Audrey are leaving on an early train tomorrow morning, so Audrey and I packed them up and cleaned our room up.

 

 

Yes, I even did chores today! A load of laundry and cleaned my room. Aren't I a good girl? LOL

 

Now Audrey and I are curled up cuddling as she heads back home tomorrow.

 

I feel like such a blessed girl today!

 

We do have one prayer request tonight.....

 

Nathaniel has had a hard time regulating his bowels back out since the surgery. At first he was too stopped up, and now he has the opposite problem. It is getting on all of our nerves and he is really frustrated by the whole issue, so could you please join me in praying that he balances back out?? The bible teaches us that God wants us to involve him in EVERY aspect of our lives... so here is a great way to practice the EVERY part!

 

We love you so much and are so blessed that you are on this journey with us!

 

 



Finding a Rhythm

It seems to have taken us forever, but I think we are starting to find a rhythm in this journey!

 

In the rehab unit, Nathaniel is getting 2 PT sessions, 2 OT sessions and 2 Speech session EVERY DAY! Wow! That is a A LOT of therapy, but that is the whole reason we are here. This is going to  be a season of HEALING and RE BIRTH for my boy. So, with this sort of schedule for him, we are finding ourselves falling into a rhythm finally.

 

First we climb out of our bed mazes in the morning....

 

If you missed yesterday's post about the fun with beds, you really should go check it out!

 

This is our living space right now. Notice no wheelchair or walker room. Notice the sink mommy's bed is under. Yes. It's an adventure! We are still praying for a window room. It would be SO much better! Especially since the family house is filling up and I might get rotated out of there soon. But God's got it.. I know He does!

 

After we climb out of our bed cages, we get dressed and do morning self care. This is still REALLY difficult for Nathaniel, as he can't balance alone yet, and his flexibility is not too great yet either. But we get it done. And we get it done in a TINY bathroom too. Sigh.

 

Next up breakfast. I will usually order Nathaniel's food, then the two of us will take a wander down to the cafeteria to get mommy's coffee. By the time we get back up to the room, Nat's food is usually there and we have breakfast together.

 

His first therapy appointment is usually at 9, so at that time he goes with the therapist and I wander back to the family house to shower, have some breakfast myself (I have a place to store my food from home there, so it is cheaper and healthier to eat there) and if I am doing good, I also catch some fresh air and sunshine while there. Today I was given a key to the GYM at the family house too! I am excited because now I can add exercise to my morning routine too!

 

 

Usually in the mid day Nathaniel has a break from therapy for lunch and we play a game or do art during this time. We had to borrow some new games from Child Life today, as I am tired of getting my booty kicked at Sorry! We will try Uno and Battle Ship this weekend and see if I do any better at those.

 

In the afternoon Nat has more therapy and I try to go outside some more.  Sometimes I head back to the family house to chill, or do laundry, or shower again if my back is hurting. Other times I go to the patio here and listen to music. Either way, I try to take some me time while Nat is working hard.

 

 

In the evening we walk down to get my dinner, and take it back to Nathaniel's room to eat together again. Tonight I had the best dinner I have had in a long time! Eggplant Neapolitan, Apple Feta Salad and roasted squash.... GF, and veggie, and full of taste. A cafeteria win tonight.

 

After dinner we play more games, and get ready for the night. Nathaniel is a rock star for all of the hard work he is doing, and I am figuring out how to stay sane and take care of me some in this journey too.

 

 

A high point of today was that Nathaniel's pressure sore on his face finally healed! It hurt my heart to see that big owie on his sweet face every time I looked at him. It is wonderful to see his beautiful face sans owie today!

 

 

Another high point was this great blanket that Nathaniel was given today. For anyone that KNOWS Nathaniel, then they KNOW this blanket is PERFECT for him... green AND football?? Perfect match! God's hand even in the small things, like the gifts from strangers perfect matches to his likes and passions!

 

But the HIGHEST Point from this day???

 

 

My baby girl is here to see us!
 

I have missed Audrey SO MUCH, and I am so excited that my mom brought her up for the day. Can't wait to spend tomorrow as a family for a day! So thankful for a momma that is willing to spend her weekend relieving me at the hospital at night and bringing me my baby girl! Feeling loved right now. SO GOOD to see them! And good to know that I get to sleep in a BED tonight too! My back will be so happy!

 

As always, thank you for your prayers and good thoughts and following our journey. We love you so  much.

 

 

Day 9 Update

There really isn't much to say today...

Nat was tired.

I was tired.

We were trying to figure out the ropes in a new department.

We were meeting 10 thousand people on the new team.

Nat had PT, OT and Speech sessions today.

We just kinds WERE today.

 

Our new room is TINY. We can't even fit all of his daily living equipment in the room! (wheelchair, walker, commode, cathing supplies, and daily stuff) And it is RIGHT next to the nurses station, so it is LOUD 24/7. I did mention to the doctor team that with Nathaniel's sensory processing disorder that it is REALLY hard to calm him in this room. They checked and said another patient is scheduled to discharge tomorrow, and they could move us to that room and that it is quieter. I pray that happens. I also pray it is a window bed because window beds have more room! They also have a built in BED for momma!

 

Why would a built in bed be nice? Well let me tell you a little story...

But if you laugh at me like she did....

I might have to unfriend you!

 

Last night I slept in one of those horrible chairs that hospitals have that turn into beds. I have had one of those every night of this journey, but last nights was the worst. It was at least 6 inches shorter than I am. It folded out in such a way that if you pushed on the middle you folded in half. And it squeaked every time I breathed! It was also VERY snug in that room. My chair bed was wedged under the sink right next to Nathaniel's bed. Now this might not have been so bad if the sink wasn't automatic and the room curtain wasn't wedged between me and the sink. All of this to say...

 

You see..

if I turned over or moved the curtain moved..

then the sink turned on...

 then I BOLTED up out of bed because of the noise....

 then the bed usually folded in half on me because I bolted up so fast...

 then I cursed....

then Nathaniel woke up.

Sigh.

It was a LONG night.

 

So I am praying for a quieter room starting tomorrow. And since our God is so great and so big and so able to do anything, I am also asking Him for a window room. Because I might now survive 2-6 weeks of nights like last night.... Join me?

 

Also, I did want to let you know that we had another answer to prayer!

I asked earlier if we could pray that Lucy, the great PT that has been working with Nat, would be his PT on Rehab, and we found out today that she IS his PT! Thank you Lord. I acutaly really like all the therapist that are working with him so far, and that is kinda unusual for me!

 

We are terribly excited to see Gramie, and Audrey and Bea and the boys this weekend! It will be so good to see some friendly faces that we actually know!

 

Hoping I can be a little more ... something tomorrow, but for tonight I am going to crash!

 

Love you all!

 

 

For Traci

One of the sacrifices of being on this journey is missing things that are REALLY important to me at home. The night before we left on this journey I got a heartbreaking call about my dear friend Traci.

My friend Traci is a dear dear sister in Christ.

 

Traci is a fabulous mom to her darling son Ian.

 

Traci is a baker extraordinaire.

 

Traci is kind and generous beyond words.

 

Traci is passionate about the things she is involved in.

 

Traci is a friend you can always count on, kindness personified!

 

And as of Monday June 3, 2013 Traci is dancing with Jesus, one of his newest angels.

 

My heart breaks for those left here without Traci...

She can never be replaced..

Her kindness...

Her generosity...

Her laugh...

Her passion...

Her love for people and Christ....

Her devotion to those she loves...

There will never be another Traci.

 

But I also knew the hurting side of Traci.

The part of her that was held hostage by the disease that ravished her body.

The part of her that hurt constantly.

The part of her that was constantly seeking relief from the bondage.

And I rejoice that she is now FREE from all of that.

I rejoice that she is HEALED completely in heaven.

I rejoice that she will never have pain again.

And I rejoice that she is in glory with our dear lord.

 

I just saw Traci a few days before she passed, and I am so grateful for this last sweet memory of her. It completely demonstrates her spirit and I will always hold it dear in my heart when I think of Traci. I thank you for allowing me to share this sweet memory with you.

 

 

I was getting ready for this trip and Nathaniel sort of confiscated my iPod. I was whining on Facebook that I wouldn't have my praise and worship music that is so important to me on this journey. Traci offered to loan me her iPod and we set up a time to meet. We were both crazy busy, but we carved a few seconds for each other. Really a few seconds, she was on her way into a medical appointment and I was running errands to get ready to leave. When we met up there we hugs, and smiles, and giggles, and prayers for each other, all in the middle of a parking lot! She handed me her iPod that she not only dug out for me (while she was sick!) but then she cleared it off and filled it with praise and worship music for my journey. She even caught a comment that my sister made and put that song on there for Nathaniel. Because that is just how Traci was. She was kind, she was generous, she was a true friend through it all. Now I have this precious gift with me on this hard journey we are on, and every time I turn it on my heart smiles, for while I am praising the Lord in the storm she is dancing with him in glory!

 

As much as my hearts want to be in Southern California tonight to celebrate Traci' life, I know I can't be there. But that doesn't mean it won't be where my heart it tonight. Thinking of you and praying for you Dale and Ian family.

 

I love you Traci... see you soon sister!