Halloween Hair

It has been CRAZY busy around here....

(packing the business, setting up my new studio, bum teeth and broke down car to name a few things..)

So I haven't found a second to post this week...

But I HAD to take a second to share this!

Today is the last day of school before Halloween.

And Audrey worked VERY HARD to create her very own Halloween Hair....

Oh this kid kills me with her unique style!!!

Happy Friday before Halloween!!

Awe....

I am in Awe.....

Sitting here in Awe struck wonder....

And so humbled.....

And so grateful.....

And so amazed!

It has been a DAY. It started off with Nat in a BAD mood. He fought and fought with his aide this morning. I FINALLY dropped the kids off at school and dashed into town for Dr appointment #1. Sat through that hour (and yes, did get some questions answered, but really felt like I was "doing time" half of the time), then it was off to figure out a problem at the Housing Authority. Thank goodness they are better in person than they are on the phone! Then I was supposed to go to church to work on the Children's room, but had to cancel. I ran by Salvation Army, only to learn that they don't do what I needed anymore. Bummer. Then it was off to BB to meet "the crew". While there dismantling my sewing area and loading it in the truck I had 4 customers walk in... chaos! Next was a dash to the house to unload the truck in 10 minutes flat. Race to the school to pick up Nathaniel and head off to Doctor's appointment #2. Boy were they running late! And here we learned that, yes, Nathaniel truly does need the next surgery very soon. They will be scheduling it and in contact with me soon. (Nat and I prayed for a clear answer.. .and we got the clear part, just not the answer we wanted!) Without much time to spare, we headed back North to an agency that Salvation Army told me about (wow... they were so kind and helpful!) and then Doctor's appointment #3. Love, Love, Love that Dr.... he just heals my heart! But no sooner than we were done there were we dashing off to get our harvest bag and head back home to work on my sewing area. All of this before we pulled into our driveway at 3:30 this afternoon!

So Faline calls to say that she had someone drop some stuff off for me, and she would be to the house soon. Before I knew what happened, I was knee deep in homework with the kids, and construction with Faline. I totally forgot she said she had something for me.... so a few minutes ago (about 10 pm) she says to me "we have to get your stuff out of my car now". I was confused, but what else is new! So she said she would carry it in and I could put it away.

Bag 1 was nice.

Thoughtful.

A blessing to us.

Bag 2 was a "wow.. this is GREAT" moment.

Bag 3 had me shocked.

And then Faline showed me the boxes of stuff she had already put away in my freezer when I wasn't looking....

All from a perfect stranger.

A person who inquired on a item I had for sale on a Craigslist ad.

Who read my blog from the signature in my email.

And who is a Sister in the Lord.

And here I sit in awe...

complete awe....

How GREAT is OUR God???

And how wonderful it is to be surrounded by His love....

Even His love through a perfect stranger who listens to His leading!

I am humbled and thankful for His perfect provision today,

and yet,

I can't wait for the season when I get to be the blesser....

And through my tears and my awe struck wonder

I say

BLESS YOU and THANK YOU!!!

Refiner's Fire

My mind is spinning recently....

And I think it makes my words make less sense to others than they do to me!

I want to assure you that I understand what is happening in our life right now.

I get that I am walking through the Refiner's Fire.

I get that He is taking me to a new place.

And I get that He is doing it in love for me and my family.

I am actually embracing the journey, and have peace in the outcome.

That being said....

It is still the Refiner's FIRE that we are walking through.

He is going to take us to the other side, of that I am confident.

But not without some discomfort.

Not without ripping open some scars to heal them.

Not without my walking through the fire.

And there will be pain...

probably healing pain, but pain.

And there will be burning...

after all it is called the Refiner's FIRE!

And there will be tears...

because after all I AM Gretchen and that is how I heal!

But through it all I KNOW He is with us,

And He loves us,

And I have confidence that we will emerge on the other side in a better place, and in better accordance with His will.

So bere with me on this journey, for I am sure we will all be amazed at what is on the other side!

And don't doubt me on the days when I just have to let the pain and tears out...

I have not lost sight of the Lord!

A way to help MANY

MANY of you have already seen this, but for those that haven't please read on... if even one more person hears about this here when they wouldn't have seen it otherwise, then it is worth my time to post :)

 October is Spina Bifida Awareness Month and I, along with many other SB moms, want people to be aware of just how special our kids are. We especially want to spread the news and hope that God DID NOT make a mistake when He formed our children. Every child is unique and special, and SB does not make these precious ones not worthy of life, but that is the choice that so many are pushed towards when their children are diagnosed. It's unfortunate that many moms who learn that their unborn baby will have SB, don't see their child as special or the hope that a life with SB can bring, so they choose termination. Do you ever feel like you want to do something to make a difference but you just don't quite know what to do? Well keep reading and you can see how YOU can help make a difference.

Here is your chance to do something. Something bigger than me or you. Something so powerful that it could change someones life. Something so powerful that could let unborn babies live.

This Wednesday, from 12-1pm (EST) has been declared as Spina Bifida Kids Worldwide Day of Prayer. Many of you know just how powerful prayer can be. There is no question in my mind that the hundreds of people holding Nathaniel in prayer is what has brought him so far. As of right now, there are 1347 people committed to praying. That is amazing!!!!! If you don't know what to pray, here are some specific things that you can pray:

1. Obstetricians are usually the doctors who first diagnose Spina Bifida based on a prenatal ultrasound. Unfortunately, most know very little about SB except for what to look for on the ultrasound. Many of us were told by our OBs very scary and inaccurate information, such as “Your baby will likely not survive,” “She will be a vegetable,” “Terminating is the most loving thing you can do for this baby.” If this is the first time you’ve really even heard of SB, and a doctor you trust tells you this, you’re probably going to believe it. Please pray that these doctors will be educated about the SB prognosis so that they can give the diagnosis accurately and compassionately with hope and conviction that these children deserve a right to live!

 

2. We SB moms will always remember the day we received the diagnosis as one of the most terrifying days of our lives. An initial grief response is denial, which often presents as “Please make this problem go away.” Termination is offered quickly. Please pray for these mothers and fathers, that they will first and foremost trust God to get them through this scary and uncertain time instead of letting fear guide their decisions. That God will draw near to them and make His presence known, as He did for so many of us. That these parents will be so filled with His peace about the future and love for their child that they will consider carrying the baby to term the easiest choice.

 

3. These precious babies are absolutely innocent and helpless. They are being thrown away because they are not “perfect.” Not one of us is perfect. Please pray for the lives of these babies to be spared. That each movement and kick will remind the mother that God knit that baby in her womb exactly as he or she should be. That their lives will bring glory to our Father.

4. Many of us SB parents cite the support of our family members and friends as the biggest comfort during the time right after receiving the diagnosis. But there are also families and friends who are unsupported and even encouraging of termination. Please pray for these family members and friends, that God will use them to minister healing to the parents’ breaking hearts. That they will be wholly supportive, not hurtful, and they will lift up and help these parents as their raise their child.

 

5. I also ask that you pray for each of these children and people who have made it successfully to this life and walk every day with a variety of medical needs. I specifically ask for prayer for the medical community that they treat these individuals as just that, INDIVIDUALS, who need specific care, not cookie cutter care.

6. And finally I ask that you lift up each parent of a SB individual. These parents have made the courageous, and sometimes very difficult choice to raise their children, many to the glory of God, and they need to be help up in prayer for continued strength and encouragement.

An hour of your time is all it takes to help make a difference. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, just pray. And know that you could could help a mother choose life for her unborn baby.

 

*I don't often get a chance to share pictures of Nat's journey through the years... this was a fun opportunity to show where he has come from and remind each of you that there are journey's worth taking. Please pray with us!*

Right vs. Easy Choices

Why are the "right" choices always the "hard" choices or the ones that hurt?

It has been a heart wrenching day here in my world.

And I have spent most of it either:

A: NOT letting my mind think about ANYTHING

B: keeping SO BUSY that I don't have time to think

or C: in tears.

If you read here often, then you know that I am a general partner in a business called Butterfly Boutique.

Did you know that we opened our doors for the LAST time today?

We will never again open for a "regular business day" again.

And that is so HARD for me to swallow.

Oh, I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what God wants me to do. And I know that it is best for my children and I. And I know that He will bring other fulfilling things into my life. But knowing all of that does nothing to take away the pain.

I love Butterfly... not as much as I love my children, which is why I am making the choice for them not it, but I still love it, and seeing it close is heart breaking to me. All of the hours I have poured into it over the last 5 years. All of the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into it. All of the wonderful people I have met through it. All of the good we have been able to do in our community. All of the dreams I had wrapped up in it..... Gone. All of it gone.

Locking the doors tonight was SO HARD. I honestly didn't mind that we had a few late customers, it prolonged the minute I would have to lock those doors, knowing I wouldn't be opening again for business as usual ever again. And having an audience when I did that? RIDICULOUSLY hard! I just wanted to sit down on the ground and WEEP at the unfairness of it all! But I didn't .... I turned my mind off, locked the doors and drove home. (Where I went and hide in my mommy closet and cried my eyes out!)

I had such high hopes for 2010.I was going to get it together this year, have fun with my children and find a new routine for all of us. Instead I have:

~Fought tooth and nail against a system that wants to explain life (and my son) from a "psychological" stand point when it (and he) are neurological.

~Accept the fact that I a married a man who will choose his addiction over his family.... EVERY time.

~Ended my 13 year marriage and learned to walk the devastatingly hard road of a single mom.... with a special needs child.

~Accepted defeat and moved out of the home that I have poured my heart and soul into for the last 12 years.

~Regained .... and then lost again.... my best friend.

~Learned to live WELL below the poverty level, yet still hold my head up in public.

~Endured 3 major medical procedures with my son, and have one more on the very near horizon.

~And now, closed my business.

2010 is NOT what I thought it would be!

(to say the VERY least!)

And you know what....

I think the hardest is yet to come.

We still have to go take apart the store.

Piece by piece we will have to take it apart and sell it off.

All of those pieces that we so lovingly created with our hard work we now I have take apart.

And THAT is going to come darned close to killing me!

Only He can get me through this next two weeks.....

I know that He never promised us it would be easy, and that life wouldn't hurt.

I know this.

But knowing it does not take the pain away, or make it any easier.

And  I REALLY want to know why He leads us down roads with such HARD choices on them.

Just one time, couldn't the right choice also be the easy one?

.....

and I wonder what path He has for me next????