Friday, May 7, 2010

carving out some personal time!

Things have been CRAZY busy around here.

You might have noticed a complete lack of blog posts from me recently... no time.

And if you are one of my dear friends that I usually read and comment on your blogs too, you have probably noticed that I am either MIA or just now reading OLD posts from you... crazy schedule!

And if you were in MY body, you would feel seriously tired and plain OLD! I am finally beginning to feel my age I think....

But in the last few days I have made a conscious effort to make time for ME, for things that refresh my spirit and soul. It's hard, I am a task oriented person and usually feel like me time comes when I finish everything that needs done, but I am trying to shift that outlook!

I am currently working 18 hour days five days a week, which is one of the reasons I am so tired! I know what I need to do to make ends meet for the kids and I, but my body isn't so much up for the challenge!

And it's more than that too. I KNOW that God has told me that it is time to sell Butterfly Boutique, my business, and I have peace with that. I love my business, but I can always start another one somewhere down the road, I won't be able to raise my children any time but NOW! As much as I at peace with this, I am having trouble getting time to get everything together to make that sale happen. I feel very pressured about that. But in the mean time, I still have to RUN the shop everyday, so I have to work a paying job at other times.
Right now that "other times" is from 5 to midnight Monday through Friday. Killer hours, but I am making it work.

The down side of that is that I need child care for my children during non traditional hours. That has been challenging. I have been blessed with some grants to meet the expense of childcare, but have yet to find the someone to do the childcare, which makes for inconsistent care. That is really hard for Nathaniel, which in turn makes it hard on all of us. I receive multiple calls a night to deal with the areas that he is struggling in and it makes my heart sad that I can't meet all of the needs. He needs consistent care that follows his prescribed plans, while I need to make money to pay the bills that our family has. I am also getting a lot of pressure from certain individuals and agencies that don't want me working at night, but I don't know how else to pay the bills! What a juggling act!

I say all of this because I have two prayer points here.

First, please pray about the job situation itself. If THIS job is God's will, I know that he will create a way for it to all work out. If He wants me home with my children, then I need to have my eyes opened to other solutions to paying the bills (like the TBRA certificate I was given or other funding or programs that are out there that I don't know about).

Second, I ask for prayer for the RIGHT child care provider to come along. No matter what the job situation is or becomes I NEED a child care provider that is trained to handle Nathaniel and his special needs. After all I am a single mom, I can not do it all alone, that burn me out way too fast and be bad for all of us! I am praying for that special someone who is looking for the direction in their life, the flexibility to blend with our family, who has the willingness to be trained for Nathaniel's special needs, and the character that I want around my children. I see the TYPE of person God has put in my mind, but not the person their selves... it's frustrating to me! This is even invading my dreams these days! And if you know much about me, you know I don't dream while I am asleep much, or at least not that I can remember. But I have had this recurrent dream about this one individual that is on the perimeter of our lives suddenly becoming very involved in our lives. It is an interesting thought, knowing the little I do about this person (she has had lots of experience with children, is a warm loving individual and may be a t a crossroads herself), but not totally out there, I just don't know what to do with this dream, or if I should do anything with it! Please pray for us, and if you are someone or know someone who might fit this need please let me know!
This morning I did make time to do a special outing with Audrey, and the smiles I got from her??? Made the loss of sleep TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

Her class at school had a Muffins for Mom morning. It was so sweet. They made invitations for the moms and sent them home. Then they had muffins and juice for us, and the kids served their special person. More sweet!

(Audrey took this picture of the muffins, I love seeing the things she takes pictures of!)

At the end they sang a special Mother's Day song to us.

I am so glad that I made the time to go with her, even though my body wanted to say in bed!!!

And speaking of making the time... I felt in my heart a calling to bless some other mother's with something special. I have had this feeling in my heart for a few weeks, but haven't found the time to do anything about it.

Yesterday I finally just made it happen. I just stopped everything else and sat down to make 75 handmade Mother's Day cards.

And honestly... it was so relaxing for me! I felt so good afterwards :)

Can you guess where these 75 Mother's Day cards are headed???