Grace Like Rain

I am a giver.

It is hard for me to be a receiver.

I have a hard time being gracious about receiving.

But as God's word teaches us,

 

 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

As hard as it is to admit, right now our family is in the season of needing assistance.

And it has been poured down on us like my mind can not comprehend!

And I humbly accept, with tears in my eyes and COMPLETE thankfulness.

 

Simple things like,

 

Meals when I am too exhausted to cook

Help pricing hundreds of rummage sale items

Hugs at every turn

Friends that speak perfect truth to my heart right when I need it most

 

Bigger things like,

 

A selfless friend that came and helped me piece the Art Legacy Project

Another selfless friend that is helping me get my work done

A Home Group from our church that is cleaning up our yard

A woman I barely know, going to service organizations on our behalf

Rummage Sale Items pouring in

 

And huge things that rock my world like,

 

A sweet family in church making sure that I am not stressed about one of our biggest bills while we are gone.

 

A sister from church who is moving cross country and has donated EVERY item they are not taking to our family to sell an raise funds with.

 

A dear sweet friend volunteering her talent to do a fundraiser for us.

 

Donations coming in from friends and strangers alike.

 

 

And the biggest thing,

 

Being wrapped in prayer all through this journey.

 

I am brought to my knees.

I am humbled.

I am more grateful and thankful than words can express.

 

Yesterday we received word that the doctor wants to move the surgery up, sooner. He didn't have an exact date yet. But we should get that today. I think I stopped breathing... for a few hours! And my world started spinning like crazy again. I am TOTALLY overwhelmed  by what needs done NOW so that we are ready to leave when the call comes. I reached out to two dear friends in my craziness and BOTH of them said almost the EXACT same thing. How is that possible when these two have never even met (to the best of my knowledge) and didn't know what the other was saying to me? There is only one answer.... God gave them each the perfect words to speak to my heart. And I was again humbled, that trough all of this storm and journey God is RIGHT THERE carrying us.

 

If you think of our little family, please pray for us.

 

If you need portraits done, please remember that we have THIS fabulous fundraiser coming up.

 

And if you feel led to give and help us out we have THIS site set up to manage that.

 

We love you and couldn't walk this journey without you.

 

 

New Lessons in Trust...

In every part of life, God teaches us, grows us, and sometimes even stretches us.

 

He gives us challenges that we can NOT handle alone to show us things like:

...how great His provision is,

..how community blesses,

..how He can do ANYTHING,

... how sometimes it takes a village

...and usually, total dependence on him!

 

One of the parts of this new journey that I HATE talking about is the outlandish expense it is going to be. Trips up and down to Oakland (480 miles round trip) with gas hanging out at around $4.00 a gallon, 4-6 weeks of no work which = no pay (family leave act doesn't cover self employed mommas), 4-6 weeks not at home in my own bed, with my own food or with my own coffee maker! Not to mention the fact that Nathaniel looses his funding for everyday he is in the hospital. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around how much this is going to cost. And you know what? I TOTALLY trust God to meet those costs and needs! I have complete faith and I REFUSE to worry about something as insignificant as money at a time like this.

 

Even as He and I were having this conversation, He brought forth fundraising opportunities for our family, and I trust that He will continue to!

As soon as my dear dear friend Breann Hollon found out that we had a surgery date and were ready to rock and roll she set up this GREAT fundraiser for us. She is just too talented, too kind and too generous! If you look around our site you will see tons of examples of Bre's work. She is VERY talented.

 Breann has set up this mini shoot as a fundraiser for us! (Isn't that sweet??)

On Saturday June 1st Bre will come up to Montana de Oro and do 1 hour mini sessions for anyone who wants to book! Sessions will be $200 and she donating ALL of that to our family for medical and travel expenses! Also she will donate 30% of any prints or product that you order!

This is a great opportunity for you to get FABULOUS professional pictures and to help us out at the same time! Please let us know if you would like a spot, and please help us share this opportunity too!

The timing on this is amazing, as we will be leaving just a few days later for surgery and these funds would GREATLY bless us.

If you are interested in helping but not in this opportunity you can check out the link to Nathaniel's Helping Hands Page (left sidebar, top link) or donate directly through PayPal (link also on the left sidebar).

I am excited to see how creative the Lord is going to get to help us fund this journey!

Thanks for loving us enough to be part of it!

 



And we have.....

A surgery date!!!

 

Take a deep breath, because the journey is now slatted to start!

 

Surgery starting June 5th

 

We will be leaving for Oakland June 4th

 

Wow.....

My brain is back to spinning again

 

But the good news is he will get to do his 6th grade ceremony with his class right before leaving!!

 

So put it on your prayer calendars.

 



The verdict is in....

and I am trembling in my boots!

 

But with God ALL things are possible!

 

So here goes. I am going to put "out there" the news that I am still having trouble getting my heart and mind wrapped around.

 

Dr. Sun called with the final diagnosis and treatment plan. And my world came crashing down again. I am not so sure I am enjoying this roller coaster ride, I truly wish the cart would stay ON the tracks! But I trust that the Lord is doing something MAJOR and that is why it is so hard!

 

So, the diagnosis is:

Tethered Spinal Cord

Large Epidermoid Cyst in the area of his tethered cord

AND multiple other cysts in the spinal cord sack

 

The doctor counted over 40 cysts ranging in size and severity in the membrane sack that holds Nathaniel's spinal cord. He says that he has seen these cysts occasionally, but never to the degree that Nathaniel has them. He also mentioned that they could be in his brain. We did not do images on that area, so we don't know yet. We will do those images when we go back up for treatment.

 

This news alone broke my heart.

No wonder my poor little man is in SO MUCH pain.

And I am so frustrated that we have been getting progressively worse and the doctors at UCSF did not catch this.

BUT I am SO THANKFUL that Dr, Bravo agreed to this second opinion, and that God lead us to Dr. Sun. I am still completely at peace with this doctor, his skill and his ability to treat Nathaniel. I know God lead us to Dr. Sun for a reason.

 

So you think the diagnosis was hard? The treatment plan is even harder to get my mind around!!

 

Treatment Plan:

*Surgery is necessary, these cysts MUST be dealt with, we can't ignore them.
 

*Another round of MRIs when we go up to check his brain for cysts.
 

*There is so much to be done that one surgery won't cover it. It will take multiple days to get it all done. At this time the doctor thinks around 30 hours of surgery. (can you wrap your mind around that?? 30 hours? I can't, and I have been trying for a few days now!)
 

*The surgery comes with many risks, after all they are working with the nerves in his spinal cord! There is a slim possibility that he will come out of all of this a full time chair user. And there is a great chance of infection in these areas.
 

*They will have to lift about 6 of his vertebra to get to the cysts.
 

*They will have to cut further up his back than his scar currently is, he will probably end up with a scar to his should blades. (OUCH, kill this momma's heart! Can't I take the pain for him???)
 

*Due to his allergic reaction to anesthesia we are looking at all options, including the option to put him in a medically induced coma while the work is done. (another blow to my heart.)
 

*Recovery time will be intense and long.
 

*This will all be up in Oakland.

 

I don't know about you, but this just knocked me to my knees.

And I haven't really got up yet.

 I am overwhelmed.

I am scared.

I hurt for my little boy.

 And I just can't even function right yet.

 I am in a complete daze, begging God for his mercy, strength and peace every second.

 

And the part that is KILLING me most? We don't have a surgery date yet! So somehow I have to go on living with this hanging over us. Way harder than it sounds! My control freak nature just wants the DATE so I can PLAN. But God will give that to me when he is ready. I must pull up my big girl panties and put one foot in front of the other, even if it feels like I am walking in quick sand!

 

SO MANY of you have asked how you can help, and to be honest, right now I am overwhelmed!

Overwhelmed by your generosity and caring.

Overwhelmed with what needs done.

Sort of even overwhelmed by just getting out of bed in the morning!

 

But a dear friend recommended a site where I can put in our needs on a calendar and you guys can sign up. I don't have to coordinate anything and still needs will get met... I like the idea, so I have set it up. Right now it isn't much because I don't know yet. I know it will get fuller as things start moving and I need more help with Audrey and life in general. So I am going to encourage you to go visit it now, sign up to be a member and check it out. Not everyone will be called to help, but if you are there are opportunities there.

 

Here is the link
Nathaniel's Helping Hands - Tell a Friend: Nathaniel's Helping Hands
 

 

The other HUGE thing you can do is join us in prayer! Right now our prayer requests are:

 

*Peace in the journey! The kids only know that we have found what is wrong with Nathaniel and are going to fix it, none of the other details, but they are still feeling high levels of stress, and mine is over the top and out the window. I am continually begging God for peace every second.

 

*Wisdom and guidance for the doctors, nurses and medical professionals! I am already covering them in prayer daily and would love any to join me. Nathaniel's main surgeon will be Dr. Sun.

 

*Protection for Nathaniel's brain. I am praying NO cysts are in there, nor would any make their way in there before treatment.

 

*And for healing. God is the GREATEST physician out there, He can do miracles, and I am begging him for some!

 

Thank you for taking this journey with us. I know your prayers, thoughts and help have made it possible to carry on. It takes a village sometimes, and this is one of those times in our journey! We are so blessed by our village near and far.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



And there's.....

Not much new to say.

 

But I am writing this for all who want to know what is going on.

 

We are in a holding pattern.

Waiting.

Trying to do life while all of the unknowns are figured out.

 

I wish it was as easy as it sounds,

but honestly......

It sucks.

It is SUPER hard.

 And it is SUPER SUPER exhausting.

 

We are waiting to hear back from the doctor on our attack plan.

We are waiting to hear WHAT THE HECK is filling Nathaniel's spinal column all up!

We are tying to keep him comfortable and as pain free as possible while we wait.

And we can't make a single plan till we hear those two things.

Which is sort of a little hard on this planning kinda' momma!

 

So yesterday I was blessed to get a few things done, like replace the washer that died, and finish getting the car fixed. I also managed to work some yesterday for the first time this week. I got a few orders done for clients and cleaned up the office. I also got a recovery bed set up for Nathaniel and cleaned my room. Not a hugely special day, but still totally exhausting day since my brain never stopped. Now if I could just get my landlord to understand how brain dead I am, then he might get off my back about the condition of the yards... or not.

 

For those of you still wanting to know how to pray, please pray for wisdom for the doctors still, and peace for our home. For those who keep asking how to help... I am working on it! I really am. It is just overwhelming to think of everything that needs done!

 

So we will continue to rest in the Lord, to seek His path and to take it one minute at a time.

 

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you for your hugs!