Home!

Ahhhh... it's so nice to be HOME!!!! Well.... in theory anyways :)

I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to go to my grandparents and take care of my very ill grandpa for the last few days, and attend some important doctor's appointments with him, but I am equally thankful to be home!

Grandpa has stabilized. His REALLY TERRIFYING blood counts are gone thanks to a few days of intense chemo, which of course made him very ill and weak. The nights were the worst.. I slept on his floor for two reasons, first because there wasn't a bed for me, and second so I could help him throughout the night and let my grandma sleep better. What I learned from that.... I am TOO OLD to sleep on the floor! But on Monday his blood counts were almost back to normal! Praise the Lord!! The infection in his knee where he had surgery 4 weeks ago is still there, but they gave him a new treatment for that yesterday, so I am praying that will work and clear up! They also too all of the staples out yesterday, so I hope that will help him heal better too :)

I did feel that I needed to come home last night, so here I am. My kids missed me terribly. Especially Audrey. So it was good to get their sweet snuggles and loves. The other reason I felt pressed to come home was that we leave for fair in 6 days, and I don't have all the product ready! I am going to have to pull a bunch of all REALLY long days to get the product done for fair! And the wedding party I have in right now needs finished too! Work, work, work! So if you don't see me around much this week, it's because there is so much work to get done :)

Now off to remedy the worst part of being gone..... the absolutely GROSS house I returned to! Ugh.... why is it I am the only clean one around here??? But I am going to do it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, because I love my family!

And I hope to find time to look for pictures today for a surprise coming up soon on Simply Soares.... so exciting!!!

May your day be filled with grace, joy, laughter and family!

Blessings!

Calling all PRAYER WARRIORS!

If you have been reading this week or talking to me, then you know that I have had a tushy kicking kind of week...
it has been storm after storm and I have been struggling to hold on...
but tonight I got the call that knock me flat on my tush!

Serious, down on my knees sobbing uncontrollably call....
So now I am begging you for your prayers to hold me up!

My grandfather is my ROCK.
He is the one I hold dearest above all from the relatives that raised me.
It is to his arms that I run when I need shelter from life's storms.
It is his opinion and judgement I trust above all else when I need an ear to listen to me.
It is with him that I feel the fullest and most stable.
He is the ONE that I trust unconditionally and that I now loves me unconditionally (besides God of course!)

And tonight my world shook in ways I can't describe.
My Rock is failing and I don't know how to handle it.
I am on my knees and don't know how to get up or when to get up...

or even if I can get up!

You see my grandfather has been fighting the valiant battle with cancer for over 10 years. And he has been kicking cancer's B*&%...... but he is loosing this round. And it came out of the blue on us this time. He has been so stable and doing so well. But not today, not now.

Here's what I know so far. On Wednesday he went in for his normal check up.... he had only been in a few short weeks ago and all was good, so we thought this would be a pretty "status quo" appointment. But is numbers were bad, REALLY bad. And they started him on chemo IMMEDIATELY... that day. He went back for round 2 today, the very next day! And they put a port in him today. He has round 3 of chemo tomorrow, and then goes in to see the Dr on Monday and get numbers checked again.

The call I got from him tonight was so emotional... he was weeping as soon as I answered the phone. I took so long for him to even get the words out to me. I seriously thought someone had died.... but not yet. He is still fighting, but so worn down too. And so scarred. And so worried about my grandma.

And this is my Rock.....the one who wasn't afraid to hold me when Taylor died. The one who cried with me over Nathaniel's diagnosis. The fought right along side of me every step of the way through Nathaniel's journey. The only one I ever run to besides Jesus.

Now it's time to show him how much he means to me. How much I love him, even though he knows. And to do that I need your prayers!

Prayers for strength... eternal strength.
Prayers for grace abounding.
Prayers for the words to speak and those to hold.
Simply prayers that I can get out of bed tomorrow and face the day!

I know eternity is the best place for him... I am just NOT READY for him to go home yet!!! Please Lord, if this is your plan help my heart deal with it!

I feel like the rug, floor, foundation and earth has been yanked out from under me right now! I am tired of the roller coaster. I need a break! But that is obviously not what the Lord has in store for me today... so please pray....

this is not the best picture.... but it's the one I have right now. This is my mom, my grandfather and the kids at Audrey's birthday in Feb.

it's been one of THOSE times....

There are days that I am just not sure why God has given me so many trials to overcome, or why I have so many storms in my life..... and it's been one of THOSE days for the last few. I am truly trying to stay in His grace and be filled by Him, but I lack so much at times!

I know in my heart that He is in control and He WILL work all things to his glory... but HOW??? Isn't it just so human to question it all? To fall down face first with tears streaming down your face as your scream His name? To feel that the storm is too overwhelming to handle, and it would be so much easier to let it wash you away? Yup... it's one of THOSE days around here!

But through the tears, through the questions, through the hurt I am clinging to the one and only one that will get me through it all... my Lord, Jesus. I am clinging to His promise of everlasting joy, everlasting peace, and everlasting happiness... once this trial called life is over.

Today I am clinging to the promise of holding Taylor for eternity.... for though it's been over 10 years since she went home to Jesus, I am missing her so much these last few days!

Today I am clinging to the promise that my son will be HEALED of all of his disabilities in heaven. He has started questioning WHY he is different, and the only thing I can tell him without breaking down in tears is that God made him PERFECTLY how He could use him.....what else is there to say? I just don't know. I didn't think these questions would come yet, so I am not prepared as I should be. It is amazing to me how much Nathaniel has matured in the last few weeks, and I am just not ready for it. Especially in combination with everything else.

Today I am clinging to the promise that He will Work all things for His glory! This means ALL THINGS, right? Even my marriage? Even the dysfunction surrounding me? Even the broken promises and the hurt and the tears? ALL THINGS! He has a purpose for EVERYTHING that is happening right now, and if I cling to Him and endure with His grace, ALL OF THIS will be worked for His glory! Lord, let your glory fall...

Today I am cling to the promise that He will be here, in the valley, when we are at our lowest.... because I am pretty darned low! I need His strength to get off of this computer, out of bed and to work where I need to be..... soon, very soon. I need His strength to look at the people I will encounter today and be able to meet their needs, when all I want is my problems solved. I need His strength to have discretion and grace, when I feel I have none. He WILL be with me today, whatever you see through me that is good today is HIM! For I don't have the strength today!

Today I am praying for grace in situations I have little grace left for.... how hard is it to be ETERNALLY filled with grace here? So hard for me.....

Today I am praying for solutions for Nathaniel.... especially the interview tomorrow with Big Brothers, Big Sisters. May he be paired QUICKLY with someone that he can grow into relationship in a positive way with! Also, that I am able to hire a respite worker soon.... we REALLY need that perfect someone with him right now!

Today I am praying for peace in the storm for my children. That I am able to shelter them from the worst of it, and that they may continue in their innocence!

Today I am praying for Godly wisdom in all of my encounters. For I have no wisdom left!

Today I am praying for leading in ALL parts of my life and those closest to me.

Today I need your prayers too please.

May you be blessed. May your storms be quieted. May we all feel His peace, love and joy. May there be laughter in our lives today!

Blessings!

Blog Hop 7/7/09

This week I am trying something new that sounds fun! It's called a Blog Hop... the idea is to make a post on your blog that fits the theme, add yourself to the list, then hop around and look at everyone's posts! Today, TUESDAY, 7/7/09, the theme is A FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPH.

This is a picture of my Darling Daughter, Audrey. I think it not only captures her sweetness, but shows sides of her impishness too! I just love looking at this one.... she is so darned cute!! But too be fair, I can't have a favorite of one child and not the other....

So this is currently my favorite pictures of my Prince of Princes son Nathaniel. It was taken in one of my favorite places, and I love the look of deep concentration or contemplation. He is such a deep thinker! Oh, and I love that he can hike here with me when NONE of his doctors EVER thought that would be a possibility!! Thanks you Lord!

Enjoy you Blog hopping :)

For some reason the list will only show at the bottom of my page.... so scroll on down, down, down to get the list for the next hop! :)

Happy 4th 2009

All I can say is WOW!!!

Since we opened the business in 2006 I don't think we have taken a whole family day trip... and that used to be something we did ALL THE TIME! But Faline and I closed the shop, gave ourselves the weekend off, loaded up the kids and headed out! It was mostly great, and we really have to do this more often!

We started this holiday weekend off with tickets to a pancake breakfast fund raiser. This was a treat for us since we usually can't afford things like that. The tickets were gifted to us this time, and we took all 4 kids and Gramie down to hang and eat. It was really cool to see many of our local business friends and some of our community friends and just hang. Nathaniel actually had a REALLY HARD time with all of the people, but there were enough "big" people in our family there that he didn't end up on my lap the entire time. This was kinda nice for me because it allowed me to enjoy being there, but still had him feeling safe. We simply passed him from lap to lap, giving everyone some Nat free time, but still having him feel safe.

While we were at breakfast my mom and I were talking about the next local store that is falling prey to the economy and how few days are left for it. I felt very sad, I am really going to miss Gottschalks! So, beings as Josie needed shorts for our trip, I needed new clothes for fair and my mom wanted to see what was left in her size we headed in to SLO for a quick shopping trip. It was very cool. First, with only 12 days left I did NOT expect the store to be so full still! When Mervyn's was this close a few months ago it was so empty... pretty much just the store fixtures left. But Gottschalks had a big selection left here. Second, I really needed that last journey through there, that is a store that played such a big role in my life and some really good friends were there too. One last journey down that memory lane for me.... AND they had their fixtures on sale!! As a CHEAP business owner that is cool to me! I came away with some really great finds for Butterfly :) Oh, and LOTS of new clothes for Faline and I!! It was pretty funny when Nathaniel called Faline on the phone and said "can Mommy buy you new clothes? Do you trust her to pick them out?" Ummm.... yea, Mommy knows what I wear better than I do, was the answer of course!

So then we loaded up the kids and headed out of town. Our goal for the day was Coalinga to see my grandparents. This is a trip that I used to take monthly. I would head over to see them very often, but over the last few years a number of factors have limited my trips. First, there is the obvious, I own a business that is open 6 days per week. I am always so busy there, so my one day off per week tends to be spent getting ready for the upcoming week, not traveling or even finishing my house :) Second, they can only handle Nathaniel in small doses, so I usually end up driving there and back in the same day, alone, with both kids. This is not exactly a relaxing way to spend your day off. And third, they come here so often now that I don't miss them like I used too! But I do miss their house and the sense of peace that I always have there. It has always been a place of refuge for me.

The trip over was pretty easy. The kids were good (thanks to the wonderful invention of the DVD player built into the car that allows them to watch movies while I listen to my music!). The traffic was bearable. And the no one really fought! Oh... and we saw karma in action :) Highway 46 tends to have some really psycho drivers on it... and this Fourth was no different. There were these two dark SUVs in particular that were being just plain reckless and unsafe. I don't like drivers like that endanger everyone else on the road! But they flew past us and on their way. Well, not to far down the road (like 30 miles or so) guess who was pulled over on the side of the road by a Highway patrol??? Yup, one of those SUVs and they did NOT look all that happy either! We applauded the CHP officer as we passed :)



Once we got to GGmama and GGpapa's house it was nice to visit with them. But the kids quickly got restless and a little bored. So we got out the water guns and soaker balls for them. They are on pretty strict water rations in Coalinga, but we figured two buckets of water would be ok. And since it was over 100 degrees outside, even though it was after 4 pm, I figured water guns would feel good to the kids!


Nat found it all great fun! He was happy to have permission to shot his sister and cousins!

And Josie was very playful with it! It was fun to see her playing, she has got to the sulky point usually... so this was a great treat to see her let down and play!

Look at the smiles on those girls! How fun!

And Nat was deadly with the soaker balls.... he has such great aim!

The playful ones out playing....

Faline was taking pictures so she was excused, and Bri was hiding. I think that was the one low point for me, Brianna was pouting that she had to come and so off sucking most of the time. I don't like the way that she thinks that she is old enough to get out of all family time. Teenagers....

After the water war, Faline and I BBQed dinner (remind me not to volunteer to BBQ in 100+ degree weather again...) and we all had a nice dinner. It's been a long time since we gathered around GGmama and GGpapa's table. It was fun! And the kids even BEHAVED! No spills, no vomiting, no fights, it was great! (And, yes, those are all common occurrences in our lives!)



After dinner all four kids headed to the local park to play while we waited for it to get dark. I think Bri volunteered this so she could escape and talk to her boyfriend on the phone, but I ignored that fact and let them go. It was nice because it gave the adults time to visit without being constantly interrupted by the kids. And it gave them more opportunity to run their energy off! It also brought back memories of my childhood... when I used to escape to the park in the evenings when it finally cooled down some :)



At dusk we loaded up the kids and headed up to the road that overlooks town to watch the fireworks. I am not a crowd person, and neither is Nathaniel, but we love fireworks, so this is a great compromise!

While we were waiting I could not resist a few pics of the area.... I love interesting pictures of nature! I actually saw so many places on the way over there that I wanted to stop and take pictures, but we were running late so I didn't. But here, while we were waiting I couldn't resist a few... Then the fun began. We could see fire works from the Coalinga city display, but also out on the horizon, the displays from two other towns as well! For a firework lover such as myself and Josie it was pure delight! A bonus was that both Nathaniel and Audrey enjoyed the display this year, neither of them scared like they have been before!

We were too far away for Mom's camera to really take pics, but I had to try...

After the great displays, it was back to the house. Because fireworks are LEGAL in the Coalinga city limits, unlike where we live!!! I *LOVE* setting off fireworks almost as much as watching them! And it seems Josie shares my enthusiasm! GGpapa bought us a nice bag full to set off and I felt like a child again! And all 4 kids were really into it. I was worried that it would freak Nathaniel out, but it didn't. And Bri was good at helping Audrey, which kept them both engaged.

Faline and I picked up two packages of sparklers because we love them, and it just isn't 4th of July without them! We are trying to teach our kids this too I guess! Josie really got into it without much prompting.... and Faline got some fun pics of Jo and I with our Sparklers.

Then we did some of the street works that GGpapa got us... and they were fun too.


Everyone went over the safety lessons before we began and were very respectful of the rules, so I was able to relax and have fun without worrying which kids was going to try to hurt themselves. It is such a relief to me that they are more mature now and can follow rules better.

This was one of our favorites.... it went on and on for a long time :)

Did I mention that I borrowed my Mom's camera? Well I did, because as you know, mine died a very sad death..... But anyways, since we had a camera that we were relatively unfamiliar with, Faline ended up with some interesting pics. We aren't sure WHAT button she pushed to get this, but it's pretty cool hu?

And here's another one...

The more we set off the more relaxed Nathaniel became. At first he wouldn't go anywhere near the, he just wanted to watch fro the chair. Then Josie was able to hold his hand and they did a Sparkler together. This is so sweet to me because Josie doesn't always have the most patients with Nathaniel, but they were so good together on this day!

By the end of the evening all four kids were out there with Jo & I doing Sparklers :) There is even one in Audrey's hand, not that you can see it well. And, no, it may look like Bri is setting Audrey's hair on fire, but they were actually many feet apart!!



Overall it was a very fun day and I am so glad we took the time and energy to go! We had so much fun, and the kids we so good. My only disappointment (besides the fact that Bri is becoming a sulky teenager) is that GGpapa snuck off to bed so fast I didn't get pics with him and the kids. But he is to be forgiven since he just had surgery two weeks ago and his body is still trying to recover.



The other really funny thing was the traffic coming home. I expected some traffic, but was I did not expect was the CONSTANT bumper to bumper traffic all the way from Reef City to Paso Robles, heading the opposite way as us! It was so funny... Faline and I seriously laughed about it the whole way home... and wondered WHERE IN THE HECK they were all coming from! It was so insane!!!



Blessings!