Thursday, July 9, 2009


If you have been reading this week or talking to me, then you know that I have had a tushy kicking kind of week...
it has been storm after storm and I have been struggling to hold on...
but tonight I got the call that knock me flat on my tush!

Serious, down on my knees sobbing uncontrollably call....
So now I am begging you for your prayers to hold me up!

My grandfather is my ROCK.
He is the one I hold dearest above all from the relatives that raised me.
It is to his arms that I run when I need shelter from life's storms.
It is his opinion and judgement I trust above all else when I need an ear to listen to me.
It is with him that I feel the fullest and most stable.
He is the ONE that I trust unconditionally and that I now loves me unconditionally (besides God of course!)

And tonight my world shook in ways I can't describe.
My Rock is failing and I don't know how to handle it.
I am on my knees and don't know how to get up or when to get up...
or even if I can get up!

You see my grandfather has been fighting the valiant battle with cancer for over 10 years. And he has been kicking cancer's B*&%...... but he is loosing this round. And it came out of the blue on us this time. He has been so stable and doing so well. But not today, not now.

Here's what I know so far. On Wednesday he went in for his normal check up.... he had only been in a few short weeks ago and all was good, so we thought this would be a pretty "status quo" appointment. But is numbers were bad, REALLY bad. And they started him on chemo IMMEDIATELY... that day. He went back for round 2 today, the very next day! And they put a port in him today. He has round 3 of chemo tomorrow, and then goes in to see the Dr on Monday and get numbers checked again.

The call I got from him tonight was so emotional... he was weeping as soon as I answered the phone. I took so long for him to even get the words out to me. I seriously thought someone had died.... but not yet. He is still fighting, but so worn down too. And so scarred. And so worried about my grandma.

And this is my Rock.....the one who wasn't afraid to hold me when Taylor died. The one who cried with me over Nathaniel's diagnosis. The fought right along side of me every step of the way through Nathaniel's journey. The only one I ever run to besides Jesus.

Now it's time to show him how much he means to me. How much I love him, even though he knows. And to do that I need your prayers!

Prayers for strength... eternal strength.
Prayers for grace abounding.
Prayers for the words to speak and those to hold.
Simply prayers that I can get out of bed tomorrow and face the day!

I know eternity is the best place for him... I am just NOT READY for him to go home yet!!! Please Lord, if this is your plan help my heart deal with it!

I feel like the rug, floor, foundation and earth has been yanked out from under me right now! I am tired of the roller coaster. I need a break! But that is obviously not what the Lord has in store for me today... so please pray....
this is not the best picture.... but it's the one I have right now. This is my mom, my grandfather and the kids at Audrey's birthday in Feb.


Carla said...

Hi gretchen,
Thank you for suggesting me to Lisa, I appreciate it! What would you like done exactly? I understand what it's like to not be able to afford stuff--I would love to do something for you at least. Email me and we'll chat.

{april kennedy} said...

Gretchen....I will be praying for you and your sweet grandfather. Hang in there.