Wednesday, July 8, 2009

it's been one of THOSE times....

There are days that I am just not sure why God has given me so many trials to overcome, or why I have so many storms in my life..... and it's been one of THOSE days for the last few. I am truly trying to stay in His grace and be filled by Him, but I lack so much at times!

I know in my heart that He is in control and He WILL work all things to his glory... but HOW??? Isn't it just so human to question it all? To fall down face first with tears streaming down your face as your scream His name? To feel that the storm is too overwhelming to handle, and it would be so much easier to let it wash you away? Yup... it's one of THOSE days around here!

But through the tears, through the questions, through the hurt I am clinging to the one and only one that will get me through it all... my Lord, Jesus. I am clinging to His promise of everlasting joy, everlasting peace, and everlasting happiness... once this trial called life is over.

Today I am clinging to the promise of holding Taylor for eternity.... for though it's been over 10 years since she went home to Jesus, I am missing her so much these last few days!

Today I am clinging to the promise that my son will be HEALED of all of his disabilities in heaven. He has started questioning WHY he is different, and the only thing I can tell him without breaking down in tears is that God made him PERFECTLY how He could use him.....what else is there to say? I just don't know. I didn't think these questions would come yet, so I am not prepared as I should be. It is amazing to me how much Nathaniel has matured in the last few weeks, and I am just not ready for it. Especially in combination with everything else.

Today I am clinging to the promise that He will Work all things for His glory! This means ALL THINGS, right? Even my marriage? Even the dysfunction surrounding me? Even the broken promises and the hurt and the tears? ALL THINGS! He has a purpose for EVERYTHING that is happening right now, and if I cling to Him and endure with His grace, ALL OF THIS will be worked for His glory! Lord, let your glory fall...

Today I am cling to the promise that He will be here, in the valley, when we are at our lowest.... because I am pretty darned low! I need His strength to get off of this computer, out of bed and to work where I need to be..... soon, very soon. I need His strength to look at the people I will encounter today and be able to meet their needs, when all I want is my problems solved. I need His strength to have discretion and grace, when I feel I have none. He WILL be with me today, whatever you see through me that is good today is HIM! For I don't have the strength today!

Today I am praying for grace in situations I have little grace left for.... how hard is it to be ETERNALLY filled with grace here? So hard for me.....

Today I am praying for solutions for Nathaniel.... especially the interview tomorrow with Big Brothers, Big Sisters. May he be paired QUICKLY with someone that he can grow into relationship in a positive way with! Also, that I am able to hire a respite worker soon.... we REALLY need that perfect someone with him right now!

Today I am praying for peace in the storm for my children. That I am able to shelter them from the worst of it, and that they may continue in their innocence!

Today I am praying for Godly wisdom in all of my encounters. For I have no wisdom left!

Today I am praying for leading in ALL parts of my life and those closest to me.

Today I need your prayers too please.

May you be blessed. May your storms be quieted. May we all feel His peace, love and joy. May there be laughter in our lives today!