Friday, February 5, 2010

Getting Ready for a PARTY! And some DEEP reflection too...

Believe it or not it's that time around here again....
Birthday party time!!!

After MUCH discussion it was decided that Audrey could have a SMALL birthday party. After all we did just get back from Disneyland not too long ago, and things are TIGHT around here. So we thought and thought on a theme that mommy could pull of for little money and would still appeal to my drama, princess, diva type girly girl. And we came up with a Garden Blooms party
I am excited because we can have it at the house, in the backyard (please Lord let it not rain!) and I think I can do it for pretty inexpensive! Invitations are case in point... I did ALL of the invitations for less than $5.00 TOTAL, and I think that they came out cute too! The pictures don't really show it but they are three dimensional, those are silk flowers attached to the invitations.

Last night after work Lorena and I started on some of the other things that needed done. While the cookie dough was in the fridge chilling we started on the "Happy Birthday" banner.

I did buy the stacker book for the solid colored paper, but everything else came out of my stash! AND I used a 40% off coupon on the book, so it wasn't too bad.

We got all of the papers cut and layered, and the letters drawn, cut and placed. Now I just have to tie it together, but I left the ribbon at the shop last night so I haven't done that yet.
Then we got busy with the time consuming part. Making the sour cream cookies. I know it seems like a lot of work, and it is, but I saw this TOTALLY cute picture in a magazine that I want to try to copy. So Lorena so nobly volunteered to help me try and make it happen. These sugar cookies are the first step.

I think that they came out darling, and look forward to decorating them tonight!

The one bummer of the night was that we had full and complete melt down from Nathaniel again about putting his diaper and nightshirt on. Over an hour of "We can discuss that once your diaper is on" and "Naked children stay in the bathroom until they are dressed" and "Do not hurt my body because you are angry" paired with banging on the door, screaming, yelling, kicking, biting and other things I can't remember, before he FINALLY put his diaper on. And you know what? When the diaper finally got on I gave up on the nightshirt! At that point all I cared about was the diaper. And darling Lorena? She kept rolling out, cutting out and baking cookies right through it all. What a friend! And we wonder why I am so depressed and exhausted all the time?

This morning was no better than yesterday. He refused to get dressed, refused to cooperate and generally made a major pill of himself. I even talked to him about his friend Blake, bribed him with TV AND a trip to the bakery. Nothing worked. He rode to school in a diaper and braces, and got dresses while I took his sister in. I thank the Lord for a fabulous school support staff. And I am proud of myself that I didn't cry so much today (of course that could have been because I was on the phone getting relieving information while my child got dressed in the parking lot, but He works all things together, right?)

So here I sit, wondering if I have the strength to face this day. My mind is a mumble jumble of information and I am trying to work through it all.

One thing that lays heavy on my heart is that the love of my life is struggling and I am helpless to do much of anything to help. Oh I pray, A LOT. And I offer what I can, but my life is in such a disarray that I don't have much to offer. And I sit here and watch someone who I love so deeply struggle. I wish I had a magic wand to grant them the desires of their heart, because they deserve it, but I don't have that power. And there is pride, old wounds and self sufficiency all caught up in it, but what I wouldn't do to be able to heal some of those wounds and provide for this person. It is humbling that all I can do is reach out, give a hug, offer my everything and sit back and watch. For a get it done person like me that is humbling and HARD!

Another thing weighing heavily on my heart is all of the up in the airiness about life right now. I am at a place that I am THANKFUL that God is clearing toxic people out of my life, but at the same time I am wondering if my life really can remain here on the central coast. And as much as it terrifies me to say it, I feel a STRONG leading that the answer is NO! I am at peace with that, but it's still really scary to think of all that it will take to move the kids and my life somewhere else. Alone. I LOVE this area. I LOVE my business. And I LOVE this community that we have such strong ties to. But I feel that there are many toxins here for us to. I am on my knees seeking God's will in all of that and His timing too. I know that there is much to tie up here, but I feel STRONGLY that once He helps me tie those things up that He has a new path and a fresh start for us. Confusing and overwhelming, but the things He is stirring my heart with.

In the middle of writing this much has happened this morning. I just got a call out of the blue from a DEAR friend whom I haven't spoken to in a LONG time. A friend I have OFTEN wanted to reconnect with, but for many reasons have not been able to. In the course of he short conversation that we just had she confessed to me that one of the reasons she has held back is one of the toxic people that was in my life (and amazingly it wasn't Mark!). Wow. I was floored when she said that, and am now hopeful that perhaps we CAN reconnect and I can have another healthy friend! Amazing timing Lord, that she would call in the middle of me reflection and writing about these very things. Isn't He amazing?

It's time to go to work now... like right NOW. Man I hope I have a second to sneak in a quick shower.... Have a great day!!