Baywood Walk A Thon

Today was the Walk/Jog A Thon at my children's school. This is the biggest PTA fund raiser of the year for our school and REALLY helps support all of the FABULOUS programs that our kids have at Baywood! Lorena and I headed over to cheer our kiddos on in their walking or jogging.

Nathaniel's class was the first of our three classes, and he seemed a little bummed out when we got there...

So I decided to go walk with him, and this cheered him right up!

Then we joined forces with his student teacher Mr. Dale, and he really got into it!

Each lap is 1/8 of a mile, and last year Nat did 6 laps. This morning I asked him what his goal was this year and he answered 120!! I think that was a bit ambitious for 25 minutes, but I was VERY impressed with his 11 laps!!

Way to Go Nat Nat!!

I think Nat's favorite part was the Popsicles that the PTA provided when they were done though!

Kaia's class was next up for us....this is them right before they started.

And they are off!

Two of Audrey's best friends, Kaia and Makia

Little Miss Energy just ran and ran and ran... but that doesn't surprise me, she is that way!

Here she is catching some air in that run!

Kaia finished with an AMAZING 17 laps!!!

Way to go Kaia!!!

And finally, here was Little Bit's class.

Audrey started out looking so happy and having so much fun.. but I think we have forgot to teach Audrey about pacing herself!

Because she tuckered out VERY quickly!

Or maybe not... she was funny the way she alternated facial expressions every time she passed us!

Little Miss Audrey finished with an impressive 11 laps!! Her goal from the morning was 10, so she was right on!

Way to go Audrey!!

Both of my kids are a little short on their goals for sponsorship, so if anyone feels inclined to support a great school with a little donation for either of them please let me know. They have one more week to finish collecting $$ :)

I am sure you have heard me say before how much I LOVE our school and the staff there! This is our Principal, Mr J, out there giving high 5s the WHOLE time.

I am SURE he has a sore hand tonight! But he is so supportive of the kids and everything that they do!

In the center of this little group a little guy fell down and lost his glasses. That is Mr J down on his knees helping the little guy out, and after they got up Mr J and the little guy went off to do a lap together. And I have to say that I heard Mr J calling EVERY child by name. How great is that that our administrator is SO involved with the kids that he will get down on his knees to help, walk with a sad child and know all of the kids by name? I think it speaks volumes!

And this is the back of the shirt that shows the community sponsors that helped out too. Seriously... thank these guys if you are local for support our kids! Because these kids are our future!!! (And thanks Mr Dale for posing for me... the shirt fit you way better than the kids :) )

updates

It's been a hard week and I have been processing lots, but in it all I am learning much, and gain bits of hope. Bits, mind you. But any gain is good right?

But I did realize that in all of the chaos of the first part of the week I forgot to post the Sunday pics this week! Silly me.

This past weekend we took the kids to the Monarch Grove down in south county (all of those towns blend together down there, so I never really know WHICH town I am actually in!)

We were blessed with a little break from the rain and good walking weather.

The scenery was pretty and fun to take pictures of...

Which was a good thing since the kids were in.....

MOODS!

Actually I was lucky to be taking ANY pictures at all...since my camera had dead batteries and no memory card when we got there!

Thankfully my parents camera was tucked in my purse too.. so I got my picture fix!

Yea, I know I am weird to have TWO cameras in my purse... but if that is the weirdest thing about me that you know then we are doing well!!

We got to this really cool grove of trees and I wanted to do some quick pics of the kids...but as you will see SOME of them were not so cooperative!

Audrey was mostly pouty, I think this is the only picture smile I got out of her all day. Things have been taking their toll on her, and my usually happy go lucky little pixie is sad, withdrawn and depressed recently. I pray for a balance for her soon. But who knows with the courts INSISTING that her evil grandmother gets to supervise her sick father's visits??? Man do those kids need covered in prayer in those times!

Nat wasn't much better in the pictures. But during the walk he did open up and tell me many of the things that are bothering him right now. Including that he misses his bed, he is sad that Jon fixed his room but he can't live in it, and he doesn't like how Papa cooks! So sweet that he is beginning to talk about his feelings. Oh, and the other heart breaking thing he said was: "I HATE that dad calls everyday and makes me tell him that I love him before he will leave me alone. I don't want to tell him that." Ugh. I am not sure which is worse, that my son doesn't want to say "I love you" to his father or that he feels like he HAS to say it for his father to leave him alone. Both really suck!

Silly boy wouldn't even look at the camera for me! But he did enjoy "fishing" with that stick!

Doesn't he just look sad? I wish I could make all of this chaos and sadness go away for my kids. It breaks my heart to not see them being the happy giggly kids that they usually are. I pray for things to get better soon for them.

Then there was Kaia. Silly Kaia usually makes the worst pictures faces at me, and she usually looks so goofy in all of the pictures that I take of her...

But today she was the one into posing sweetly for pictures!

And I thing that there are some cute ones of her!

See?

Oh well, at least one of them played for me before my parent's batteries died too! Ugh!

Monday night was bitter sweet for me. My dear friend and I went out and had a TON of fun together. It has been so long since I had such a great evening. We shared an amazing meal, had some good laughs (I purposely put the issue of the kid situation off limits, I needed a fun few hours!), and just spent sweet time in each other's company. What a blessing. But it was sad too, because I knew he was leaving the next day, and I have no idea if or when I will see him again. I know that we both have paths for our lives and that they are in opposite directions at this time, but I will still miss his great insights, sweet treatment and mild approach to life. He is a dear soul on his own journey and I wish him the best.... but I still miss him! Silly how we KNOW the right thing, but it isn't always easy to be right :)

After dinner (and shopping!) we decided to go shoot some pool together. Now I am not sure that we have EVER played pool together, but in the months he was here it was something that we kept talking about, but never got around to doing. It was sort of a now or never feeling, so we headed out to the local bar to play a game or two. And I was left wondering WHY we didn't do that sooner???? It was so much fun!

I seriously don't think I have played pool since Nat was born, I KNOW I haven't played since Audrey was born. The bar was empty (we even felt a bit guilty for keeping the bar tender there, but she was cool!), we got to play whatever music we wanted (funny mix when I picked some and he others.... Christian and country for me, and everything else for him!) and shot pool. Did I say it was so much fun???? And I even did better than I thought I would after not playing for so long (that or he was being REALLY nice to me!). We laughed and talked and played for a long time, then walked home in my silly little town with no street lights. What a great memory to hold onto for me. Now I know that I can have happy times with the right people in my life. For too many years going out has hurt my spirit so bad, but this night began a healing of my spirit, because I was reminded that with GOOD people who treat me with kindness and respect I can have FUN and that is ok! That boy taught me lessons right up to the second he left. Man do I have a lot to work on now thanks to his lessons!

And I think I will stop here, on the feel good happy feeling of Monday night, because Tuesday brought pain, and humility and tears that I don't want to think about right now! But don't worry too much, I am ok, and getting stronger everyday... even continuing to learn J lessons. Like today, I learned that working long hours is good for distraction, but I must remember to set the heater and put some lights and music on timers because coming home to a cold, dark, quiet house is too lonely for me right now! Also, I learned that you can leave the window open all day, put fresh linens in a room and STILL smell someone else AS SOON as you walk in the door! Seriously, I smell Audrey, Nathaniel and Jon in the house NO MATTER what I do! And the final lesson of the evening? Check the CD player to see what is in there before you hit play and crank it up high, because sometimes blasting "Harvest Moon" might not be the best choice! See, I am learning :) And the good thing? I have tomorrow to learn more!

A night with Preservation Hall

I had the great joy of being able to take Nathaniel and Audrey to see these guys last night!The Preservation Hall Jazz Band! What a great group of musicians, we had so much fun!!

When I was growing up my father would drive the tour bus for this group when they were in California and we kids got to go see them all of the time, even ride the bus with them on tour at times too! I became the most looked forward to trip of the summer, getting to see the band again and hang out with them. And as I have always loved music, and especially gospel and jazz, it was an even bigger treat for me!

Last night the band played very near our home, and we were blessed to receive tickets from the drummer so that my parents, myself and the kids could go see them! Thanks Joey, what a treat in this dark time of our lives :)

Nathaniel and Audrey were so good at the concert, they were intently focused, picking out the sounds the different instruments made and taking a keen interest in all that was going on. Audrey kept telling me "I am so tired, but the music is too fun to go to sleep!" I was so impressed at one point, they had just announced a guest artist on the tuba, and you could hear him playing in the wings, but not see him yet. Audrey, who wasn't listening to the "voices" (she said they were too hard to understand) leaned over to me and said "I hear a new sound. What instrument is making that new 'baahhh baaahh bump' sound?" What a good ear for a 7 year old at her first jazz concert! Nathaniel also did really well and was very focused.

After the show we got to go see the band and say "hi" to old friends we hadn't seen in years. We even met the new members who we also very nice and accepting, even of my over tired, very hyped out children. The guest artist (who if I am remembering correctly was David Silverman, long time director of The Simpson's) even arm wrestled with Audrey forever! Too bad the kids were SO TIRED and causing such a ruckus, I would have loved to chat longer, but alas, all god things much come to an end, so we headed home.

It was such a special treat and so much fun to introduce my children to a band I love so much!

Stained Glass Plasquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that fails
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know that they will soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the alter for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But it would set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Casting Crowns

As I lay here in my daughters bed, well after 1 am, weeping my eyes out and listening to one of my favorite CDs this song completely speaks to my heart. I am in a place that the plastic mask doesn't even fit anymore and it makes me wonder, will anyone love me right HERE in the midst of the mud and muck of life? Where are the arms Jesus promises me? Where is HE in all of this?

It also resonates to something else that has been bothering me for a while now. I have heard time and time again from people in my life how strong I am, and I DISAGREE whole heartedly. I feel weak, I feel humble, I feel like the ONLY way that I get through each day of my life is with the grace of God. So why do so many see me as something else? Have I worn the mask for so long and learned the lines so well that the true me is lost? And if so, how scary is that? Good Grief!

This could all just be the rambling of a broken hearted child of Christ wishing to share a song speaking to her heart, and if so I beg of you listen to it. If something I said actually makes sense to someone, then wow, thank you Lord for the words, because it sure isn't of me this morning!

But PLEASE go HERE and listen to this amazing group and song!

my morning revalations

You know how sometimes you KNOW the right thing to do, but you let circumstances of life get in the way? Yup, we all do it, and I have been guilty recently. But I made a vow to get back on track and am so glad that I have!

I usually start everyday with quiet time reading God's word and praying, but since the first of the year I have been sporadic about it. Many things have played into my lack of follow through like wanting to hang in bed longer (winter does that to me), or being angry with God about the situation my family is in right now, and even just plain laziness. But Sunday I noticed that the new Daily Devotional was out at church and grabbed one. I said in my heart, "I am going to do everyday of this one". Yesterday, circumstances lined up perfectly that I didn't have the temptation to stay in bed as much as I have recently and I started right on track.

So this morning, after helping to get Nathaniel and Audrey off to school, I sat down outside in the light rain and did today's reading too. One of my favorite things to do is read the short devotional in the church book, then read the full chapter from my Bible that it pertains to. I am one of those people who have a BUNCH of different Bibles, and I like how each of them speaks to a different area of my life. Today I grabbed my Devotional Bible compiled by Max Lucado for reading and after doing the reading I KNOW that God directed me to that one :)

I was reading in Genesis 24 & 25 and this was part of the Observation Point and some of the Inspiration in the devotional that went along with that reading:

OBSERVATION in God's will we find successful living. God's way may be harder that the world's way-but he rewards obedience!

INSPIRATION if you want God's will, give Him your TOTAL self-a living sacrifice-and that means your body and your thoughts, your mind, which He can renew from within, if you let Him....

The guidance of God's Word is primary, basic. It's interesting to note that many of us say we are interested in God's will, but we balk at checking our plans and habits against the plain teaching of the Bible. How can you say you are seeking God's will, if you don't know what the Bible says? This is like going to someone for advice, but not letting him talk. You actually want him to agree with everything you say....

I found these things very insightful and they gave me plenty to think and meditate on today as I walk through my day. First, God's way is MUCH harder than the world's way. As a mom of special needs child, I know this so well. But even as a woman trying to recover from many hurts of the world I am seeing this too. God's way, the way of grace and forgiveness, is SO HARD, but He walks it with us. The second part that spoke to me was the part about asking advice and not listening. It was like a little nudge from God to keep on keeping. You see I have taken to talking to a dear friend of mine about what is going on in my life. He is very insightful and full of observations, but sometimes it is just REALLY hard to hear what he is saying. Thankfully we have a good enough relationship, he is patient with me and I know that he is speaking out of concern or care, that we can process these hard parts and keep going. But it has been hard for me to hear many of the things he says, and even harder to figure out how to make things right in my life again. But this was like a message right from God that this is a good thing and a good process we are going through. Because if he just agreed with me on everything then I wouldn't be growing or healing!

The other thing that has struck me a lot recently is about rain. I love rain, I always have. I feel like it cleanses the earth, and even my heart, it clears away the dust, grim and build up that we allow to accumulate and makes room for new growth. As I sat and felt the gentle rain on me this morning I thought once again what a great demonstration rain is of what God wants to continually do in our lives EVERY DAY! God wants to wash away those things that we allow to pile up and clutter our hearts, our minds and our lives. He wants to rinse them out and make room for His will, His ways and His purpose in our lives. And if we let Him do that we are better for it, just like the earth is better with the rain, everything is greener, the plants grow better and the whole system just works together better! So with this in mind, I say "Rain down on me Lord! Wash away those things that needs outed in my life, and pour down on my YOUR will!"

How is your walk this fine day?