Monday, September 6, 2010

Taylor's Day....

I woke up with an ache in my heart today.

At first I was confused, but then it became crystal clear.

Another year has passed, and my heart still breaks into a million tiny pieces as I think about it.
So I try not to think about it, I try not to dwell on it, and I look steadfastly forward to the time of great rejoicing and celebrating.
I look forward to not only a home coming with my creator, my Lord, but also a reunion with my darling daughter.
 My darling daughter that the Lord took home to be with him 12 years ago today.

 But today, I lay here alone in so many ways.
Another birthday has come and my arms are still empty.
There is a piece of my heart that just won't come back, after all she took it with her.
There are tears that stream down my face as my heart breaks and my arms yearn to hold.
There is a void that nothing and no one can fill until the day that I get to dance with her again.

And man do I ever look forward to that day!
I look forward to hearing ALL of my children raise their voices to praise the Lord!
I look forward to dancing in glory with BOTH of my daughters!
I look forward to gazing on Taylor, who I know is absolutely beautiful, and knowing I will never have to walk away from her side again.

It is weird, there are justt not words to describe the pain in a mother's heart when her child is taken home early.
There is joy, for I know she suffers not of this world.
And there is peace, for I know she is with one who loves her infinitely more than I do (and is hat ever hard to imagine!) 
But there is a soul piercing pain too.
One that never goes away.
Really, the pain I feel right this second is just as real and just as soul piercing as it was 12 years ago... or 11 years ago... or even 10 years ago.
It is ALWAYS there.
And  there are ALWAYS tears on the verge of falling for her.

Taylor, I miss you SO MUCH.
And I can't wait to dance in heaven with you...
Or listen to you sing with your brother and sister....
Or just gaze on your sweet face....

But until that time just know....
Your Mommy Loves you..
Not quiet as much as Jesus, because the Bible tells us he loves us more that we are capable of loving...but as much as a human heart loves, your Mommy loves you!

Happy Birthday my Angel!

If you want to read more from my heart about Taylor you can check out THIS POST or THIS POST they may make a little more sense than this one.... but then again maybe not!