Oh my poor neglected blog....
I MUST get with the program...
But for now I am going to talk about my heart!
Things have been CRAZY around here for the last few weeks (sick boy, stressed mommy, unrest and unhappiness in our home) and in the midst of all of that I have seen tragedy hit some close friends. Everything added together has made me take a step back and reassess what I am doing with my life, and I did NOT like what I saw!
I feel like I have been in survivor mode for the last 10 months or so and I am tired of that. I also feel like God has been calling me to areas and that I have been putting him off because everything is so chaotic.I have been working hard and walking the path in front of us, but in all of that I have been increasingly unhappy and without peace in my life. All of this has been weighing on me for some time now, but I have just kept going sure that it would all just resolve it's self or that I would deal with it when things settled down.
I do NOT think things are going to settle down.
Nor do I think that I will get peace going the way we are right now.
So, with MUCH thought and MUCH MUCH time on my knees I took action today. Action that might seem illogical to many. Action that might seem rash to some. And action that I am not certain where it will lead. But action that I know is what God wanted me to take.
Through this last bout of sickness and infection with Nathaniel and with the things happening in friend's lives I have had to face the HARD truth that I do NOT know God's plan for my son. But I DO know His will. His will is for Nathaniel to have a FULL and BLESSED life here on earth, NO MATTER WHAT! I have also realized that I don't want to juggle ANYMORE! I am a mom first and foremost. My children are my priority. I closed my store front late last year for just that reason, but I realized that other things are stealing my joy and time away from my children. So I am going to close those things in my life too. I am going to give EVERYTHING to things that bring joy and peace to our home EVERY DAY. I WILL treat each day as the gift it is, and choose to live in joy and peace!
In the last year finances have been an ongoing primary struggle in my life, but I have decided that finances do not bring joy. We live tight and that is ok with me. What is NOT ok with me is doing work that steals joy, peace or time from other, more important and eternal, things God calls us to in our life. I have been justifying hanging in a place that steals my joy by saying my family "needs" it. But the truth is that that part time job that actually brings very little in when you consider how often I miss work to care for my children and the expense of getting there. And what is completely out of balance is the attitude and unhappiness that part time job brings into my family.
The third area that has been weighing on me is the drive to serve God and work in certain fields as His light that I have been feeling STRONGLY. There have been many things I feel God calling me to do that I have struggled to find time to do. In the past few months I have felt strongly about certain things God wants me to do and I have been very upset that those are the things that keep being pushed aside. I WANT to serve God, and I am excited about the things He is calling me to do. I am no longer going to tell God "no time"!
And finally, I have been working hard on setting up a cool new business, that I feel confident that God can and will use to meet needs in my family in His PERFECT timing! I am not longer going to allow the need for money to dictate my time, instead I am going to follow God where He leads and TRUST COMPLETELY that He will provide what we need over and above our daily expenses (which are covered (in a tight way!) by my full time employment with IHSS...)
So with all of those things in mind.....
I QUIT my part time job today.
Really, don't call me crazy.
I KNOW this is what God wanted!
(You know how I know that? The complete joy and peace I have this afternoon!)
I have no idea where He is taking us now, but I DO KNOW that I am ready to go!
I took the Leap of Faith today.... check back to see where it takes us in the coming weeks an months!