Thursday, August 6, 2009

God's blessing in the storms

You know, when you are surrounded by the storms and feel beaten down, depressed and overcome, it is difficult to see God's blessings in your life!

I am feeling that way right now. I am TIRED. Bone deep tired. I have been putting forth 110% for a while now, and I am running out of steam. I am DEPRESSED. There is so much bogging me down right now. You don't even want to know the jist of it, I know that, but do know that I am just overwhelmed with depression in regards to MANY of the situations in my life right now. I feel DEFEATED in many ways too. Like no matter how hard I try, it just isn't enough. Like no matter how much I give to God, He thinks I am not done giving. Like NOTHING I can do is good enough! And I am SAD. Bone deep sadness that keeps leaking out at the weirdest times... always on the verge of tears sad.

But through it all, I CLING to His promises... and He is FAITHFUL to meet my families needs. Not always in the ways I WANT, or in the ways that I IMAGINE, or even in the ways that I THINK we need. But He meets our needs. Some of them I don't even know that we have!! So I thought that I would take a few minutes and PRAISE HIM for the needs of our family that He has met, and for the BLESSINGS that he has bestowed on us! Bear with me :)

The Lord provides....
(in no particular order)

Even though we are in the midst of a transition with our diaper service, a transition that I feel is going VERY POORLY, we have an ample supply of diapers to get us by while this goes on. I am FRUSTRATED with the changes, and with the stupid excuses for diapers that we keep getting sent. I am concerned about the long run, and my son's needs being properly met. But day to day I have NO REASON to worry because, through some interesting twist of fate, we have been getting double shipments each month.. and have a good size supply stacked in the garage! So bring it on, let's get this figured out, because the Lord has made sure we are set for a while!!

Our home.
It's been tricky. It's been stressful. It's even been FRUSTRATING. But through it all, the Lord has continually found a way for me to hold onto our family home. It's small. It's simple. It's even a bit redneck. But it's what my children know as "home sweet home" and I am praying that that doesn't change anytime soon. By the grace of God, we are still here!

My job.
I might not LIKE my job. I may even say at times that I hate my job. But I have it. And it is a job where my boss is absolutely forgiving and understanding. Where I can say I am leaving to go take care of my sick grandfather, or I am heading out early to take a kid to the Doctors, or I can't come in because I am too behind at my store, and she gets it. And she allows me the freedom to take care of the things that are higher up on my "importance list". And she is graceful about it (most of the time). And I have co workers that, for the most part, "get it" and love me anyways! I am BLESSED to be able to make a living while owning a business, having a disabled child and a seriously ill husband. I am blessed that the amount I bring hoe from there is the EXACT amount I need to pay the mortgage every two weeks! :) And I am blessed, that during these tough times, where jobs are hard to come by, that I have a GREAT one that treasures me (as messed up as I am) as a top employee!

I may not have been to the market in over 3 weeks. I may not be with it enough to cook food daily. BUT my fridge is STOCKED with fresh fruit and vegetables ALWAYS. We are even regularly blessed with milk and eggs. My children have healthy food choices at their finger tips. My children even LIKE healthy food like artichokes (Audrey's favorites) and melon & grapes (Nat's favorites). They don't even complain too much when we have salad and soup daily... too much! Now if I could just teach my husband that raw vegetables and fruit DO constitute food, and he CAN fix a meal with them....

My car.
Ok.. this may be a selfish one, but it's true! I NEED a reliable car to take my son to his Drs in Northern California, but I don't NEED a car that I love! That is just a bonus :) My parents are kind enough to make sure that I have a great car that meets mine and Nathaniel's needs, and they were sweet enough to make it one we love. I enjoy getting behind the wheel of my car, it's a blast to drive. My kids don't mind long road trips with all of the bonuses they have (like a DVD player, seat warmers and their own storage bin!). And I don't FEEL like a poor beaten down girl in it! How blessed am I that I have kind parents and the Lord has made this all possible??

Project Surf Camp!!
I may be PISSED that Big Brothers/ Big Sisters was so MEAN to our family, but I am OVER JOYED that Project Surf Camp has taken Nathaniel on short notice (because I totally forgot to register him) and Nathaniel will be able to experience the joy of surfing (in some form) this weekend. What an AWESOME thing that the Lord has Placed on John Taylor's heart, and how WONDERFUL that He makes it possible!

Great Doctors and staff!
I LOVE that I can call the office of my WONDERFUL Dr B, and have the great girls answer my questions and calm my heart... even when my darling princess has a high fever and polka dots on her tummy, or when my not so normal Prince of Princes is doing something odd.... they are so great! Thank you Lord for blessing me with Stacey, Sheri and Dr B!!

On those days where it's all just too much, the Lord has provided me with a great SIL (sister in law) that helps me get it all done! So when the demons take over my husband and he looses all the battles (which has been A LOT recently) and there is just too much for me to do alone, I have a WONDERFUL SIL who jumps right in there with me. Even cleaning the GROSS kitchen and sorting out all the food blessings, when we both SHOULD HAVE been at work! Even catheterizing Nathaniel when I just don't think I can do it one more time that day. Even cleaning up all the GROSSES that children make, because she knows they all make me vomit! How blessed am I that the brother that is so awful to me brought this woman into my life???

A cool new blog!
Do you know how much I *LOVE* my new blog look??? I feel so good ever time it opens up and I see it. Makes my heart sing with joy. I know, it's a silly little thing, but it makes ME happy! And so little makes me happy these days. I am so thankful EVERYDAY when I see it for Carla's generosity!! Seriously, you got to check this girl out. She is STRONG in the Lord, an amazing mom, and talented beyond words with her designs!!

Silly Friends.
I need silly in my life most of the time. I am just too serious and overcome with life.... so my silly friends help me a lot!! Even when they tell me it's ok to buy a crazy expensive camera that I SHOULDN'T buy... it's still fun to dream!! Love you guys!!

The Naz and their GREAT summer kids programs!
I am so happy that this great church is here in our community and that they welcome my children to all of their summer programs, even though we don't go to church there! And they are really cool about Nathaniel's special needs too :) How wonderful!

Ok... I am BEAT now... and crying... so it's time to snuggle in with my Prince and Princess for the night! But I wanted to leave you with this last little thought.... maybe... when we are down and fighting for our footing, maybe we should NOT LOOSE sight of all of the blessing that the Lord has put in our lives! I KNOW it's hard... and I KNOW that seems like so little at times, but He IS there... and He IS FAITHFUL!!

Thanks for taking tie out of your day to read my ramblings :) Hope SOMETHING blessed you in there!