crazy

We all have things that drive us crazy about ourselves right? Well, I tell myself that everyone else does too, because I sure the heck do!!! Today some of my worst features are shining through bright and clear and it is making me crazy!!!!

The biggest thing is worry.... I am a full blown worrier. Yes, I know it is wrong. I know that God teaches us not to worry, but to lay our worries at the base of His feet. I know all the scriptures too, but somehow worry sneaks it's way back in there. It stinks, and I hate how I am when I worry. I obsess... even while saying I am NOT going to obsess, I do it! And it eats my insides up. And right now I have way too many things on my plate just BEGGING to be worried about!

I am one of those people that loves someone so completely that I want nothing but happiness and goodness for them. There are three people in my life right now that are on journeys that I fear for them on. Three of the most loved and cherished people in my life. I keep giving them to God, like every minute of everyday I am handing one of them over, yet somehow they keep ending up back in my worry pot! Even when I am not mentally thinking about them I feel one of them in the pit of my stomach, and I fear for all three of them since I don't know which one is struggling! It's crazy, but then again, I have heard I am too :) I am ready for them to be happy and in a good place in their lives because I am loosing way too much weight over this one!

I am also one of those people who like to have a plan. A good friend of mine said to me the other day "You wanna make God laugh? Make a plan." and it really hit home. I am such a planner. I have a 1 month, 6 month, 1 year and 5 year plan for my house, my business, my finances, my life in general. And right now EVERY ONE of those is blown to heck! And I am struggling so much in knowing what to do about it. Is God showing me a new path? Is the enemy attacking so I am confused? Is God laughing at all of my plans? Or am I just being a control freak? Yes, I know. Such great questions to think about. I am trying so hard to do what is right, yet what is right seems to change everyday. Like I can't even figure out what to do about the house.. should I just move and be healthier or should I stay and try and work with the crazy man to do what is right? I know what is easier for me, but what is healthier for my children? Should I even weigh them in this equation right now? Ugh.... Stop thinking Gretchen!!!

The other thing that is driving me crazy right now that I am willing to share is my pack rat tendencies. I look around me and see so much clutter that it makes my head spin these days. I have been on a SERIOUS get rid of it kick. But what am I supposed to do with all of the things I am getting rid of? I could use the money so selling it seems smart, but it takes so much time to organize any sort of sale. Some of it I could just throw in the trash can and be done with it, but it is usable stuff so is that being responsible for our earth? Then there is always Freecycle, but I had two REALLY BAD experiences on there recently and I am not sure I have the energy to deal with that again. Yes. Everything seems to lead to a choice these days. Such fun.. NOT!

Anyways, I am sure you are done with my ramblings and the bus should be here with the kids any minute, so I will sign off. I hope that your mind is much more at peace than mine is today :)