Thursday, February 17, 2011

2.16 Nathaniel Update

Many people have asked how Nathaniel is doing today, and I know many of you are praying for him, so I feel that I SHOULD give an update. But I have to warn you, my heart is heavy tonight. Heavy in ways that will be hard for me to explain and even harder for many to understand. So, I ask you, please read with grace!

Today Nathaniel got to spend at HOME!
That is an awesome answer to prayer... no hospital stays today!

Today Nathaniel has battled:
Triple Staph infection
Ear infection
Swollen joints and body
And just plain feeling YUCKY!

Today Nathaniel has been one SICK little boy waiting for doctors to decide how to treat him.

As I sit here reflecting on all that happened today, all that has been happening this week, and the roads we have traveled I am amazed and humbled.

My kid is SICK. He is quiet literally fighting for his life. His little body is invaded with infection and the whole thing seems to be attacking itself. The doctor yesterday said "It is like there are sick parts and there are healthy parts, but the sick parts are SO SICK that it is making his body think it has to fix EVERYTHING so his immune system is attacking everything, good, bad and neutral. And it is exhausting it's self in the process." And the kicker is, that we (as a medical decision making team) are concerned about introducing anything else at this moment and making things WORSE, so we are waiting for lab results in hopes for an answer of WHAT to give his body to help it fight better. And yet, through it all Nathaniel is filled with JOY, LOVE and GRACE. Yes, he has his moments of fear, moments of angry and moments of grumpy, but for the most part he is a happy little guy traveling on a VERY HARD road. What an AMAZING guy he is!

Looking at that little guy I am HUMBLED. Humbled that the Lord chose ME as his mom! Humbled by the lessons he teaches me everyday! Humbled that in the midst of the storm I get to experience the BLESSING of knowing God's love and provision for my family.

I admit, it is HARD. I don't try to focus on the hard, I even try to just do the walk, but on days like today I can honestly say this road He has us on is HARD! Not that I would trade it, for I know it is God's will that we are here, but I can acknowledge the toughness of it.

This week has been rough emotionally too on me. In addition to the journey that my family is on, 2 of my dear friends who are also special needs moms lost their kids this week. One was a child who has been on a TOUGH road for a few weeks, and her little body just couldn't take it anymore and she went home to Jesus. The other child was a special needs kid, but the death was completely out of the blue, blindsided this whole family. My heart is heavy for those families, and yet I look right here at what is going on and I have so many questions for God.

I LOVE my son with my whole heart, but each of my friends loved their children too.

 I don't WANT God's will to be to take Nathaniel home anytime soon, but neither did either of my friends.

I WANT my son healed COMPLETELY from all of this infection.

I WANT him to grow old and have a long life.

But at the same time I FIRMLY believe in God's will here on earth as it is in heaven, and I have to fall on my face at the foot of His cross with my desires and pray for HIS WILL and my acceptance of His will... and that is HARD! Oh so hard....

So I walk the road we are on, praying with out cessation, praising the Lord in all things, big and small, and finding the place that I can be in peace and grace for all things, no matter what. And I am NOT saying I have perfected it, but I am doing it to the best of my ability. I can truly say that I am NOT living in fear, which is a HUGE step for me. But I am not sure I am completely accepting His will either, and that I need to work on!

Many have asked how they can help us.... and to be honest I STINK at asking for help!
I am a helper and it is always tough for the helpers to ask for help... That being said I have taken it to heart and these are the things I have come up with:

We have been blessed beyond words with TONS of food, but I am too tired to cook it! If you like to cook, you could come cook something for us with all of this food overflowing my fridge and freezer!

My long hair and my shower drain are arguing... I know HOW to fix it, I just don't have the energy to fix it. And to be honest a HOT shower is my BEST quick treat for myself in the midst of all of this stress, but a shower that bathes my feet at the same time is not exactly relaxing to me. So if you know HOW to fix this and want to give it a go....

Someone to help with some of the house work that is falling behind would bless me. Dirty floors and piles of filing are two of the big things that are bugging me right now. And, yes I admit it, I like an ORGANIZED environment, it helps my brain work better, so these are silly things in the scope of life, but they bog down my brain!

I have TONS of stuff ready to upload on the new business site and lots of "stuff" to do for that, but also TONS of orders to get out too(thank you Lord for providing for us!), if you like to or are good at playing on the computer and want to come help me with some of that.... I would be right here working away on orders and could help talk you through it .....

Things have been tough around here. I have missed almost 2 weeks of work taking care of Nathaniel, and child support has been none existent for almost 3 months. If you feel called to help us with our medical expenses or day to day expenses we have a Pay Pal Donate button on the left sidebar... We are NOT begging for this, but if it is how you feel called to help I WILL make sure it is put to good use.

And I could always use a cup of Chai and some conversation :)

But mostly.... we just want your prayers!
It means the world to me to know that our family is being lifted up and covered, and through that act alone I KNOW that God will meet all the other needs!

Thank you for checking in with us.
Thank you for praying with us!
And thank you for loving us!


Cassie said...

Good grief, that's a lot for one body to deal with. I hope and pray Nathaniel gets better soon.

Amanda said...

Sending you prayers. That Nathaniel will start feeling better soon! That you will get some rest and support and be able to take care of yourself as well!

Jamie said...

Oh my goodness that is a lot to be dealing with. My prayers are with you and your amazing family!

Katie at A List Maker's Life said...

Praying for you all, just as you've so generously offered to do for us in the middle of your own storm.